| Come on and lie to me... |
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| 02:01pm 02/01/2007 |
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I don't know about anyone else, but I have a hard time believing in things (people/situations/etc). Don't get me wrong, I'm not a
pessimist. I'm actually quite an optimist really. But I've been through enough and seen enough to understand the reality of it all. That unfortunately, does get me down. I would call myself a "Realist", if I must have a label.
On most days, this doesn't bother me or even affect me. The difference today would be, that I found a situation (thats what we'll
refer to it as) that made me feel that maybe I was wrong. Maybe there is that one perfect, sweet situation out there and maybe karma has come around and smiled on me for once. I mean I really felt deeply about this situation and genuinely "believed".
For a little over a week, closer to two, this brought me alot of joy and happieness. Like WHOA! Then BAM! ...GONE! Imagine, not being able to trust or believe in things, THEN Being overwhelmed by something and choosing to believe in it, only to lose it a week later. It's about like your parents convincing you that there really is a santa claus AGAIN, only to find out a week later that they lied to you again. This is far worse, I promise you.
The question I keep asking myself is, what now? How do you bounce back from that? My usual approach is to shut that part of myself off from the rest and not revisit it again. The downside to that is I've had to do that so much in my life, that I feel as if alot of me is pretty much unavailable.
For me personally, I am tired of games, tired of bullshit. I want to invest my time in someting meaningful and worth while. This
obviously wasn't meant to be and that is something I will just have to accept. Though the thing that troubles me, is that when I try and do the right thing, and break the cycle of how my lifestyle is, it goes to complete shit! It just does not work! The other side to that coin, is letting myself get all caught up in the things I am involved in, my ego and such. And you know what, THIS IS WHEN EVERYTHING WORKS! What the hell? So basically, my life facilitates me being an asshole. For those of you who really know me (which I can really only think of a handful who truly do), I'm not a dick. I don't enjoy being a jerk to peope or being selfish. I'm actually a very giving, big hearted, caring person. There's alot more to me than "genocide the synth player for whomever".
Any advice... or comments... or suggestions... are welcome! |
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| ...and all the sky is gray |
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| 12:09pm 16/12/2006 |
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So I had my first show back with the KILL CYCLE last night at Boomerz. It went very well and I had a great time. I got to talk to alot of old friends and meet some new faces. *Thanks to everyone who came up and said hello.* Of course, no show would be complete without whiskey shots, 4 beers next to my synths, giving autographs in interesting places, photographs, and other shananigans.
Did anyone get any pics last night? |
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| She hangs herself in front of me.... |
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| 10:38am 21/11/2006 |
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I tell you some people just aren't any good at lying or mind games. I don't want to talk any shit or anything, so I won't name any names or go into any specifics. But I do want to say "Thank you" again to a friend of mine who is on my friends list that shed some light on the situation. The funny thing is, I wasn't looking for info, but out of now where it kind of surfaced. WOW!
The moral of the story is...
#1. When you feel something is wierd, IT IS! Get away fast!
#2. Believe the things that people tell you. |
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| /////// |
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| 11:18am 16/11/2006 |
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It's official... Assemblage23 is now my new favorite band! I've listened to them on and off for a while, but I've had their albums on repeat on my ipod for the last week. Great driving music to say the least! |
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| Wheel in the Sky!!! |
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| 11:40am 06/11/2006 |
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So Journey was awesome!!! It would of been much better if Steve Perry had been there, but it was still good. The singer didn't even sing 2 of the songs I wanted to hear, their drummer sang them instead, which I must say was impressive. They encoured with "Seperate Ways". I loved that song since I was a kid, it was great! It was cool to see all these older people screaming the lyrics and acting like I do at a Depche Mode concert. I had a good time.
Def Leopard played as well, but you could tell that the crowd was really there to see Journey. When Def Leopard played it was kind of blah. They sounded good and it was cool, but you know. I only stayed for about a half hour of Def Leopard. I still had an hour and half drive home and I wanted to be in bed before 3:00 am, plus I had to drive the "QUEER" home.
It was cute, I called my mom immediately after Journey and told her about it. I wanted to call and hold my phone up during the concert, but I wouldn't known if she ever picked up becuase I couldn't hear. She's obviously a big Journey fan, which is how I got turned onto them.
So yeah.... everyone have a great day! I need some coffee.... |
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| Randomness |
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| 01:20pm 05/11/2006 |
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This has positively been a strange weekend. Most of it has been good, though some strange events have happened (I will not elaborate... don't you love when people do that!). On top of that I've been drinking all weekend and I am nursing a bit of a hang over this morning. Tequila Friday night, Yager Saturday night, and Gatorade this morning. LOL
Journey and Def Leopard tonight!
You know, I have this friend of mine, Tray. We've been friends for 18 years, so I guess you would call him my best friend. The funny thing is we've never actually got along that well, which could be because he's more like my brother than my friend. Anyways, he and I recently have gotten to an everyday calling schedule (he lives in Dallas I live in Tampa) and we seem to be the closet and coolest we've ever been to eachother, which I find very cool. We're both musicians and in alot of ways both very similar. I believe that what's happened as of late is that we've both gotten over our ourselves and have stopped being such ego maniacs towards eachother. I think there's been a silent war of talent/knowledge/success between us for the last 2 decades and we've reached a point where we aren't competing anymore. We've both agknowledged the other as being very talented and have moved onto being actual friends who have real conversations. |
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| Nothing |
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| 10:48am 03/11/2006 |
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Man... thank god it's Friday! It's been a long week to say the least. This weekend I am going to see Def Leopard and Journey, yayer! (yes I love the 80's!)
The band I've been playing with as of late has finally agreed on a name (Well us 2 song writers have agreed on a name). BELOW ZERO! We're like a cross between Zeromancer and Orgy (with a little bit of PIG/KMFDM). I've thought of switching the name up though, I dunno.
Here are some of the other ideas I've had:
Below 7
Stereo Crusher
Glitch
Below Zero
GLOW (which I really like)
and some more that I won't mention...
I'm sore as fuck right now. The sorest I've been in my year and half of working out. I joined this new gym lately and started doing these "tricep extensions", OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! |
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| Free Food is awesome! |
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| 06:21pm 01/11/2006 |
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Yeah, so I am going to see the Lightning play tonight at the St. Pete Times Forum. I'm not even really a hockey fan, but I got these free VIP Xo Club tickets, which includes all free food in the private XO restaurant and alcohol. So I figured, what the hello, I'll go and eat and drink for free. And see some people fight on the ice. |
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| The strangest twist upon your lips.. |
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| 05:26pm 28/10/2006 |
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I forgot to mention that I have a new kitten. His name is "Chewbacca"! He is ultra cute...
Ever look back and feel extremely gross that you dated/slept with someone? I'm having one of those moments right now! |
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| :::::::::::::::::::: |
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| 03:31pm 28/10/2006 |
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I've added a new song to the XYLOSE page (Things that Break!). This one is instrumental... hopefully there will another up tomorrow, with vocals.
Check it!
myspace.com/xylose |
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| 02:19pm 25/10/2006 |
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Guns N' Roses Tonight! I've got some extra tickets... call 813-597-4042. |
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| Don't let things goto waste! |
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| 05:08pm 18/10/2006 |
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Dezz reminded me of something funny in her reply to my last post about my snake, in regards to how I am a big fan of recycling. I thought I would post the story behind this, because it's kind of funny, atleast I thought so. I will leave all names out of this not to incriminate anyone, other than myself.
So I buy a girlfriend of mine a vibrator one day, right. The next day we have sex and it gets used during the foreplay portion of our session, as I like to call it. Well to her and I's surprise, we break up the next day. But some how I still maintained possession of said vibrator.
So months and months pass... I date someone else and Christmas comes along and I needed another gift to add to her stalking. I then remember how "I have this vibrator (in its box mind you) in the closet." YES, I WASHED IT OFF!!! So yes, I regifted a "used" vibrator to my then girlfriend (who we're also broken up now).
The funny thing about this is... SHE KNEW. She asked me flat out, did you own this already? Are you regifting? How did she know that?
Anyways... I thought it was funny none the less, so I thought I would share. |
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| If only tonight...? |
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| 12:51pm 18/10/2006 |
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My new boa finally shed last night... so I figure he'll chill out now. I still haven't named him. Hmmmmm.... Decisions!!! Is it bad to recycle a pets name, if they were only alive for a month? Opinions? Suggestions? |
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| 05:49pm 16/10/2006 |
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Above was taken last night before the KMFDM show... Man, Combi-Christ, in my opinion, totally upstaged KMFDM. I got really bored once they took the stage and ended up leaving. "CC" had two drummers and it was like this tribal dark wave dance madness, I was very impressed!
This morning I had to goto the doctor for my asthma, lovely huh? Find out my co-pay for my insurance has gone up and my prescriptions have gotten more expensive, great! I was going to attend the Orlando KMFDM show this evening, seemed liek everyone was trying to get me to go to it. And even though it would be fun, responsibiltys take presendence and I am staying home. Actually, I am going to this new gym I joined Friday. So that should be good.
Got a new boa constrictor on Friday. But this little fucker is a bit on the aggressive side. I think it could be due to some health issue though. He's looked like he's been about to shed for over a week now but has not done it. I've also read that most times that type of reaction is caused by soemthing else, that Red Tail Boas are the most docile of all snakes. |
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| The music's between us... |
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| 09:25am 13/10/2006 |
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Above is the new Xylose logo... That seems to be going well. I have a handfull of other tracks still awaitng completion. I've had some positive feedback on the vocals. This being my first time singing it made me feel good that people weren't like "Oh god, what is that?". I actually only got one of those. lol Thanks Ben! But I prefer someone giving me their honest opinion, than telling me its great. If you have not had a chance to hear this yet, goto: http://www.myspace.com/xylose
The website xylose.org will be live shortly, within another week hopefully.
I'm also working now with Fuji (Steve's friend) and a few others on a full band project. A name hasn't been decided on as of yet, but we sound like a cross between Zeromancer and Orgy, atleast in my opinion. One of the names on the table is "Stereo-Crusher". I'm not sure that I like it, but it has been growing on me.
Other news... for those of you who might have known me for longer than 10 years, JohnieBrannon and I from HALO (we had the name way before anyone else was using it, since 1995) are recording a HALO album (we might change the name a little now). Him and I do some great music back when we were an active band with Matthew and we decided those tracks really shouldn't goto waste, plus him and I have other material that is very Haloish. So we've decided to record a full album. I will play GUITAR on this record, NOT synth. I'll udate as things progress.. I think I might even post some live versions of HALO playing back in the old days, great stuff!
Anyways... I think this is enough for now. I am going to try and update this daily from now on. Alot is going on. |
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| //////// |
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| 07:45am 25/09/2006 |
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Okay boys and girls.... here is my first official attempt at singing. This is some of the new material I have been working on:
http://www.myspace.com/xylose
Take a listen and let me know what you think of everything. |
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| Catch me if I fall I'm losing hope... |
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| 07:05pm 03/09/2006 |
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So today a terrible tragedy happened... I needed to bomb my house due to a problem I've been having with fleas. This morning I set it all up tp do it's thing, then my friend Matt called me and asked me to help move soemthings into storage. So I put my snakes, tarantula, and kittys outside so they wouldn't be harmed by the fumes and set off the bombs. After which I left to go help Matt.
I return 3 hours later and it looks as if my tarantula and Medusa (my ball python( were basking in the sun. Azriel looked like she was asleep. So I reach in and nudge my tarantula (cute little guy that he is) and he's cold and doesn't respond (FUCKING GASP!). Then I look over at Medua. I reach into her tank and grab her tail, she's warm, but no response. I immediately FREAK OUT! They are both dead!!!!! After realizing this I reach into Azriels (my boa) tank... she's pretty much non-responsive as well. I pick her up and drape her across the top of her tank, so see if she moves. As I am freaking out and hyperventilating I see her little tonque pop out and her head move. WHOA! So I immediately pick her up and wrap her around my neck, petting her, trying to revive her.
Little by little over the the next 2 hours she becomes more and more awake and responsive. It seems that she is about ready to shed, which could of contributed to her behavior. But I think I lucked out and arrived just in time to atleast save her. She seems to be doing okay right now. *As I type this my big ass cat kitty is laying accross my 32x8 mixing console and he is dreaming. You can because while he is asleep his tail will randomly pop and do strange things. * Anyways, back to my story. Looking back, I wonder if I could of revived Meduas. She was very warm, as if she was alive. But she was stiff as a board, so I think I was too late.
So yeah, it seems the fumes leaked out my sliding glass door and back into the back yard and killed 2 of my pets. I should not of left them, I should of been here. Oh well I guess. Shit happens.... right?
Lastley... the cutest thing my tarantula (smitty) would do is submerge his big ass in his water dish. He also did spider aerobics (yes he did). Also, I'll never forget his vistory dance when he ate his food.
Medusa,.. she was an absolute sweet heart. Very sweet, nice cuddley snake... indeed.
I will miss them both! |
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| Sometimes it's so hard... to just it all away |
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| 07:51am 29/08/2006 |
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music: Scared as You - The Cure
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So my new invention is "Bacon Cheeseburger Salad". I know right! Basically, you make a chef salad (spinach, red onions, cheese, oilive, hard boiled egg, tomatoes, etc.) and you top it with chunks of hamburger as well as chopped up bacon. Top with Ranch dressing and S&P... and your all fookin set!
...some of you are saying "Can this be healthy?" I figure as long as it has the word "Salad" in the name, it's got to be better than most things you would eat. Plus it is high in protein for those of you who exercise/work out.
Btw, BRI cheese and Apple is the shit too! |
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| Tattoo's redone... |
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| 04:26pm 16/08/2006 |
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So... finally I've been able to start working on redoing each of my tattoo's. I had my big tribal one redone Monday by Noah (from Atomic on Ulmerton/Megz boyfriend). I gotta tell you guy this is talented!
Here are a few pics from Monday night:
And....
The original plan was to touch up a few of my others tattoos that night as well. But after 4 hours of doing that one, we both decided we'd reschedule for the other ones.
So yeah... my new roommate Dezz moves in today. I'm excited! It should be alot of fun.... |
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